Kiss the tears right off her face- Brantley Gilbert

Amy’s got the letters I wrote
My picture in a frame
She’s had a year to let go
She's still wearing my ring
It hasn’t left her finger since the night that I proposed
When I promised her forever before I took her home
But I never made it home that night
A part of her died too
I watched her losing her mind
And there’s nothing I can do
Yeah sometimes she goes crazy screaming out my name
Saying baby please come and save me
I wish she knew I’d do anything

To kiss the tears right off her face
Tell her everything’s okay
Feel her heart beat next to mine
And make up for lost time
Oh but God I know I can’t
You can’t let her live this way
It’s too late for saving me
But there’s still hope for saving Amy

Now 3 years have gone by
She’s finally living her life
And I still watch her sometimes
Just to make sure she’s alright
She knows I’ll always be there
In her heart and in her dreams
God, I promised her forever and that’s one promise I intend to keep

To kiss the tears right off her face
Tell her everything’s okay
Feel her heartbeat next to mine
Make up for lost time
Oh but god I know I can’t
But you can’t let her live this way
It’s too late for saving me
But there’s still hope for saving Amy
Saving Amy

I’ll kiss the tears right off her face
When I walk her through these gates
Feel her heartbeat next to mine
Make up for lost time
God I thank you everyday
For giving a her that ounce of faith
That led her right back here to me
And most of all for saving Amy
Saving Amy
Thank you god for saving Amy

Okay, today is the first time I have heard this song. A friend of mine told me she thought of me when she heard it. Hearing the song felt like a punch in the stomach, but this song gives me so much hope. I think of Wes constantly. I think of when he was here. I think of his voice. I think of his laugh. I think of the unknown. I think of what Heaven is like. I think about what Wes might be doing. I think about if he is thinking of me. I hope he is thinking of me. When I was a kid I always thought that I couldn't disobey, because God would see. Now I think about Wes just watching me. It feels good to think about him watching me and watching Trent. We had a family dinner tonight, and I always wonder, can he hear our jokes and laughter? That was his favorite part of family dinners. My sister-in-law made dumplings tonight, and I thought about how jealous he would be. It was his favorite thing she made.

Then sometimes I think about when I get to heaven. Will he be there waiting? Some people say that we don't know who others are in heaven. They say we just worship God, and our earthly relationships are no longer. I disagree with this thought. How could God create such strong bonds here on earth and not let them continue in Heaven? If we can't look forward to seeing a person again, how to we cope? I have to believe that the person waiting for me on the other side will be just as happy to see me as I will him. I can't wait to feel the touch of his hand and hear his voice. 

When I hear this song I try to imagine Wes' voice singing (it wasn't a good one, but I still loved it), and instead of Amy I hear him singing Stella. I hope he's watching, and I hope he sees how much I love him. He did this once, change lyrics for me. There is a song called "Tell Lori I love Her." Wes emailed me the lyrics one day and put Stella in for Lori. He was a romantic, believe it or not. The week before he proposed he started sending me love notes (or, in our time, love emails). Sometimes they would be a quote he found or even made up. Sometimes it was lyrics to a song. Sometimes he sent me verses about marriage. I kept everyone of them, and now I am so glad I did. It's a piece of him I still have with me. Words from him telling me how much he loved me. He sent me the following email 3 months before he passed away.

From:     Greer, Tilmon

Subject:     RE: LOVE YOU!!!!

Date:     May 23, 2011 7:42:11 AM CDT

To:     Greer Stella 

If I were alone in the desert
Without a drink of water around
With my knees and hands in that white scorching sand
With the hot Sahara, sun beating down
If I could be granted my wishes
Anything I want would come true
I know that it might sound funny
But here what I want you to do

(Chorus)
Tell Stella I love her
Tell Stella I need her
Tell her everything would be ok if I could just see her
Tell Stella I love her
Tell Stella I need her
And If I leave this old world tell her she the only girl for me

If I were a drift on the ocean
A vessel with no sails or steam
Floating aimlessly on the endless sea
Hopelessly lost it would seem
If all of the fish in the water
Could echo my last dying plea
I know you might not understand it
But here's what I want it to be

Tell Stella I love her
Tell Stella I need her
Tell her everything would be ok if I could just see her
Tell Stella I love her
Tell Stella I need her
And if I leave this old world tell her she the only girl for me
And if I leave this old world tell her she the only girl for me

end of email...

Hold the one you love tonight,

Stella

You can't run from love that's meant to be- Stoney LaRue

I feel as if my eyes have been opened into a whole new world. Things I use to be blind to I now see clearly. Some of these things I wish I still couldn't see. I wish I couldn't see the pain. There is pain in this world I never knew existed. Pain I have felt and have seen my son feel. That is the worst part, watching him hurt. I now understand what my parents felt every time they told me they wish they could take away my hurt. I wish I could take it all from Trent so he didn't have to feel any of this. This little boy is my biggest blessing. I have a hard time understanding and agreeing with people when they say everything happens for a reason. What reason can there be behind all this hurt? I do however know that Wes and Trent were suppose to be in my life. Wes showed me love I never thought existed. He supported me in everything I did, and had more faith in me than I ever had in myself. Trent has taught me what unconditional love is. I cannot put into words what this little boy means to me. I see so much of Wes in Trent. The more he grows up the more of his daddy I see. He catches me off guard sometimes with the things that he says. It's almost as I am listening to Wes. Trent just got his yearbook, and there was a page in the back they could fill out. It asked them about their favorite things, friends, and wishes. Almost everything Trent wrote was about Wes. It broke my heart to read. This little boy misses his daddy so much. I know as time passes it won't be as intense, but we will always miss Wes. We will always feel cheated of time with him. We will always wonder what our lives would have been like with him here. We will always question what could have been. I will always remember that our love, our family was meant to be.

In awe of my child,

Stella