Sometimes the greater plan is kinda hard to understand- Luke Bryan

"Drink A Beer"

When I got the news today
I didn't know what to say.
So I just hung up the phone.
I took a walk to clear my head,
this is where the walking lead
Can't believe you're really gone
Don't feel like going home

So I'm gonna sit right here
On the edge of this pier
Watch the sunset disappear
And drink a beer

Funny how the good ones go
Too soon, but the good lord knows
The reasons why it gets
Sometimes the greater plan is kinda hard to understand
Right now it don't make sense
I can't make it all make sense

So I'm gonna sit right here
on the edge of this pier
Watch the sunset disappear
And drink a beer

So long my friend, until we meet again
I'll remember you
And all the times we used to
Sit right here on the edge of this pier
Watch the sunset disappear
And drink a beer
Drink a beer, drink a beer. 

Life is so busy, but I'm finally living again. It's now been 2 years since Wes left this place. Two years seems like such a long time, but the memories of our life together and of his final day are still so vivid. I haven't blogged in a while, because I get so emotional when I blog. From the time my fingers hit the computer keys tears start to roll from my eyes. I think I'll always have tears for him. I don't think they will ever go away. It's okay though, because as long as I have tears I will have a piece of him. That means he is still in my heart. My life will move on, but I would like a piece of him to stay. 

Life really has gotten better. I felt stuck for a while. I felt like I was always going to be the sad widow. I don't want that label on my life though. I don't want to be looked at as the widow or even a survivor. I just want to be Stella. I want to be the girl that is clumsy, and the girl that snorts when she laughs. I am finally experiencing true laughter without guilt. I felt guilty for a long time. I felt that I couldn't have fun, because Wes wasn't here. I know now that that was silly of me to think. When I think of Wes I don't want to be sad. I want to smile and laugh about the good times. There have been a few times recently that I felt completely at peace. One was a few weeks ago at the lake. I was laying on the back of a friends boat at night just staring at the sky, and all of the sudden I saw several shooting stars in a row. I knew it was Wes telling me it was okay to start living again. It may seem silly to others, but I felt so much peace in that moment. 

So I have reached a point to where I am okay with my life, where it is going, and how far I have come. I'm ready to live and see what else this crazy world has in store for me. I mean, surely it can only get better, right?

The best is yet to come,

Stella

I just had to put this. I know Wes would be so jealous we met Jax from Sons of Anarchy!!!