My little bear is growing up- Rodney Atkins

Drivin’ through town just my boy and me
With a Happy Meal in his booster seat
Knowin’ that he couldn’t have the toy ‘til his nuggets were gone.
A green traffic light turned straight to red
I hit my brakes and mumbled under my breath.
His fries went a flyin’, and his orange drink covered his lap
Well, then my four year old said a four letter word
It started with “S” and I was concerned
So I said, “Son, now where’d you learn to talk like that?”

Chorus:
He said, "I’ve been watching you, dad ain’t that cool?
I’m your buckaroo, I wanna be like you.
And eat all my food and grow as tall as you are.
We got cowboy boots and camo pants
Yeah, we’re just alike, hey, ain’t we dad?
I want to do everything you do.
So I’ve been watching you."

We got back home and I went to the barn
I bowed my head and I prayed real hard
Said, “Lord, please help me help my stupid self.”
Just this side of bedtime later that night
Turnin’ on my son’s Scooby-Doo nightlight.
He crawled out of bed and he got down on his knees.
He closed his little eyes, folded his little hands
Spoke to God like he was talkin’ to a friend.
And I said, “Son, now where’d you learn to pray like that?”

Chorus:
He said, "I’ve been watching you, dad ain’t that cool?
I’m your buckaroo, I want to be like you.
And eat all my food and grow as tall as you are.
We like fixin’ things and holding momma’s hand
Yeah, we’re just alike, hey, ain’t we dad?
I want to do everything you do; so I’ve been watching you"

With tears in my eyes I wrapped him in a hug.
Said, “My little bear is growin’ up.”
And he said, “But when I’m big I’ll still know what to do.”

"‘Cause I’ve been watching you, dad ain’t that cool?
I’m your buckaroo, I want to be like you.
And eat all my food and grow as tall as you are.
By then I’ll be strong as superman
We’ll be just alike, hey, won’t we dad
When I can do everything you do.
‘cause I’ve been watchin’ you."
hey yeah
uh huh

After Wes died Trent asked me to download this song for him. For months he walked around the house with his ear buds in listening to the song over and over. I knew it made him feel close to his dad. I would stand in the hall outside his bedroom and listen to him sing it. I love to hear him sing when he thinks no one is listening. He tries to sing very low with a thick southern twang. He sounds so much older when he sings that way. He still sings this song in the shower almost every night. He is growing up into such a gentleman. He always compares things he does to the way his daddy did them. I am not sure if it is his way of feeling close, or his way of remembering. Maybe it's both. I know I am afraid of forgetting things about Wes, and I can't even imagine at such a young age how I would feel. That is why I like talking about Wes. Trent does too. It is our way of keeping his memory alive and not forgetting things. When you stop talking about someone its like they disappear. I don't want Wes to disappear. I want some more time with him. Some time to make my memory stronger, some time to remind my boy how much his daddy loved him, and some time to heal. Not talking about him is like ripping a band-aid off a fresh wound. Sometimes the memories hurt, sometimes they bring tears, but then other times they bring smile and laughter. Whatever the outcome, I treasure every memory.

I'm hoping I can turn this blog into a kind of scrapbook of our memories and journey. I was lucky to be part of Wes' life. I did however, miss out on many years and memories. Feel free to comment on any of my post if you have memories or stories of Wes. I would love to have a place for Trent to go back to and read about his daddy. So when he feels like he is forgetting he can go to a place to remember.

Cherishing the memories,
Stella

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