Drink one for me, for all the old times- Jason Aldean

"Drink One For Me"

You don't know how bad,
I wish I was home
Can't wait to get back,
But while I'm gone
Y'all carry on

Drink one for me, for all the old times
We tore up that town, raised hell alright
Tell the boys, thanks for having my back
Some of the best memories I've ever had
So go on and get crazy
And drink one for me

I can't count the miles,
It just feels so far
And it could be a while
'Til I'm where you are
So keep me in your heart

Drink one for me, for all the old times
We tore up that town, raised hell alright
Tell the boys, thanks for having my back
Some of the best memories I've ever had
So go on and get crazy
And drink one

For the ones you can't be with
The ones we'll always miss
And times like this
And times like this

Drink one for me, for all the old times
We tore up that town, raised hell alright
Tell the boys, thanks for having my back
Some of the best memories I've ever had
So go on and get crazy
And drink one for me
Drink one for me 

The past few weeks I have spent more time with an old friend. This friend is how I met Wes. I will forever be grateful for the introduction. This friend tells me old stories of Wes, stories I've never heard. This friend recently had a baby. They were telling me how much they looked up to Wes, and his parenting. My friend is right, Wes was a great dad. This weekend I was with my friend when this Jason Aldean song came on. At the time my friend and I were spending time like the good old days, just riding around the deer lease listening to music, and I felt like Wes was singing this song just for us. Wes and I were just friends around the poker table before we started dating. Life was so simple then. I miss the simplicity in friendships. I miss the days when just the company was enough. I miss spur of the moment cookouts. Everything feels so orchestrated now. Life is going by so fast, it's time to slow down. It's time for the laid back part of life to return. I liked when we could play poker all night for a $20 buy in. Now everyone wants to drop a ton at the casino. Back then it wasn't about winning or losing, it wasn't about how much money you walked away with at the end of the night, it was the company. It was the jokes with your friends, the stories from the past, the memories. I miss that time. There are only so many memories that can be made on a dance floor. The abundance of memories and good times happen around a fire, a barbeque pit, around a poker table, on washer boards, or just sitting around the good company of friends and family. 

It's hard to figure out where your place is when you become a widow. You're not part of the married crowd, but you're not necessarily single either. You're in a place many don't understand. Others who have been through widowhood have told me to make new friends, but they don't realize the quality of my old ones. These are people who have helped me become the person I am. They introduced me to the love of my life, stood by me on the day we wed,  helped me bury him on that very hard day, helped me stay sane when I felt like going crazy, and have given me a lifetime of memories. These friends are irreplaceable. I just hope they can stand me as I try to fit back in, and try to get comfortable with me again. I know it's not my friends who have changed, it's me. I have to be okay with me. Sometimes I just don't know who I am anymore. I guess it's just one of the repercussions of a life changing event.

Remembering the little things,

Stella