I shook my fist and asked God why- Lee Brice

"I Drive Your Truck"

Eighty-Nine Cents in the ash tray
Half empty bottle of Gatorade rolling in the floorboard
That dirty Braves cap on the dash
Dog tags hangin’ from the rear view
Old Skoal can, and cowboy boots and a Go Army Shirt
folded in the back
This thing burns gas like crazy, but that’s alright
People got their ways of coping
Oh, and I’ve got mine

I drive your truck
I roll every window down
And I burn up
Every back road in this town
I find a field, I tear it up
Til all the pain’s a cloud of dust
Yeah, sometimes I drive your truck

I leave that radio playing
That same ole country station where ya left it
Yeah, man I crank it up
And you’d probably punch my arm right now
If you saw this tear rollin’ down my on face
Hey, man I’m tryin’ to be tough
And momma asked me this morning
I I’d been by your grave
But that flag and stone ain’t where I feel you anyway

I drive your truck
I roll every window down
And I burn up
Every back road in this town
I find a field, I tear it up
Til all the pain’s a cloud of dust
Yeah, sometimes I drive your truck

I’ve cussed, I’ve prayed, I’ve said goodbye
Shook my fist and asked God why
These days when I’m missing you this much

I drive your truck
I roll every window down
And I burn up
Every back road in this town
I find a field, I tear it up
Til all the pain’s a cloud of dust
Yeah, sometimes

I drive your truck
I drive your truck
I hope you don’t mind, I hope you don’t mind
I drive your truck


It's holiday time, and people all around me are a blur. People trying to find the perfect gift, others are decorating up a storm, and every one is stuffing their face. I've been trying to stay busy. This time of the year I don't like down time. I try and stay surrounded by family and friends. When Trent is gone and the house is empty I try to go visit friends or have people over. I don't like being alone. It's when I'm alone that it sinks in...he's still not here. Another Christmas will pass without him. He has now been gone the same amount of time we were married. It's still hard to wrap my head around. I miss him constantly, and I am trying to live life. It's hard. No one can explain how hard it is. I certainly can't. I put up a good front most of the time. I laugh, I joke, I tell old stories, and I try to live life. It still hurts so badly inside. No one can see that. I guess I'm a pretty good actress. I try and feel close to him. I feel it slipping away though. I wish I still had his truck so I could ride the backroads he loved so much. I sit in his chair. The only other person I let sit there is Trent. I sleep with his pillow and the shirt he slept in that last night. I spray his cologne every now and then just to remember his smell. I keep his boots out. It will never be the same. Still can't sleep in the bed. I try every now and then, but I only last an hour or so. I feel lost. I feel like a piece of me died too. I am not sure who I am or how to be. The only thing I am certain of is being a parent. I am so lucky to have Trent. He keeps me grounded. He keeps my feet on the ground and keeps me moving forward. The uncertainty of life is starting to wear on me.

Today there was a very sad tragedy. Another school shooting. Children were among the most lost. I guess I am nieve, but I really thought there weren't that many bad people in the world. I am not sure how an individual could do this. How could you purposely change someones life, and the lives of the people who love them? I have to think that these people have never suffered any major loss in their life. They have never felt the pain of losing someone you love. It is a sad day in our nation. I pray for the families of the lost, and the entire community. Such loss and heartache. I hope that people will realize how quickly things can change. One moment you are laughing, and the next you could be staring death in the face. I pray for the children and adults who had to witness this event. It is not something they will ever forget. I know. I saw the fear in my love's eyes as he struggled to breathe. It is an image I will never be able to get out of my head. I pray these children that lost their friends will not be hardened by this.

The holidays can be hard for everyone. It can be hard for the split families, the single parents who struggle, but always put their children before themselves. It's hard for the unemployed and the sick. The list can go on and on, but it can be hard. Remember that. You never know what battle people are fighting that you don't see.

Hoping for a better tomorrow,
Stella