The time of the year to be with the one you love- Charles Brown

This was the first song Wes and I ever danced to together. It became our Christmas song. Every Christmas we danced to it. It didn't matter where, the last time we danced to it together we were in our kitchen. I think that was the best one. It is the second Christmas without him. I think it's harder this year than last. Maybe last year I was still in shock. I see my friends and family who have a spouse or significant other during this holiday season. I miss having him here. I miss having him to share in all the Christmas traditions. I am now Santa by myself, I hide the Elf on the shelf by myself, I shop by myself, all of the behind the scenes things parents do, I do alone. I try and make Christmas great for Trent so he doesn't focus on Wes not being here. I try to hide my tears from everyone. I try not to stare too long at the happy couples. I try to be myself in front of everyone, but on the inside I wish I could just sleep through these coming days. Wes and Trent use to have a shopping day together where they would go buy my gift. For the past 2 years I have had homemade gifts from Trent under the tree. They are the best gifts I have ever received besides him. I thought this year would be easy because last year wasn't too bad, but as the day approaches I can't help but be a little sad. If I could have only one thing, I think I would ask to just talk with him. Even just to hear his voice. I'm not really sure what I expect to get out of this blog. Maybe it's a way for me to get everything out of my head. Hopefully it will help someone who is struggling in their own way. For today and tomorrow, I just want people to appreciate those they are surrounded by. These people that we spend our lives with are precious. Every second with them is a gift. Say an extra "I love you", hold each other a little longer, forget about the presents...the best gifts in our lives are the ones we spend our lives with.

Merry Christmas,
Stella

Our last Christmas...2010