How Dare You, I Miss You- Miranda Lambert

 

"Over You"

Weather man said it’s gonna snow
By now I should be used to the cold
Mid-February shouldn’t be so scary
It was only December
I still remember the presents, the tree, you and me

But you went away
How dare you?
I miss you
They say I’ll be OK
But I’m not going to ever get over you

Living alone here in this place
I think of you, and I’m not afraid
Your favorite records make me feel better
Cause you sing along
With every song
I know you didn’t mean to give them to me

But you went away
How dare you?
I miss you
They say I’ll be OK
But I’m not going to ever get over you

It really sinks in, you know, when I see it in stone

Cause you went away,
How dare you?
I miss you
They say I’ll be OK
But I’m not going to ever get over you 

 

All around me people are excited for the new year. "2013...the best year yet." The new year to many represents a new beginning. The bad things that have previously happened are gone and most forgotten, the struggles and hardships have disappeared. Most only hold on to the good memories and the happy times. Most are determined that great things will come this year. Others believe God has a plan for them, and for the most part they trust that plan. What happens when you can't identify with either of those types of people? I am not sure how much I still believe that there is a "plan" for my life. September 28, 2011 blew that out of the water. How losing the love of my life could fit into any "plan" that my loving God has for me I still can't figure out. How do I trust there is a plan and all of this one day will make sense? How do I know that this plan everyone speaks of really exist? I try and remind myself of my favorite scripture. Jeremiah 29:11. It says that God has a plan for us. What exactly does that mean. Is it a plan he has written on his legal pad or in his notebook. Did God stash this plan away in the notes app on his iPad. Or....is the plan for us to just live life. To figure out the best way we know how to live a decent life. Is heartache and sorrow part of this plan? I get so confused when I hear others say "I trust God's plan." Really???? I did too. Now I am unsure. Unsure if there is a plan, a written map, an outline to the story of my life. Or is the plan just life? The good and the bad. I question everything these days. I question what we as humans made up to help ourselves cope with the harsh reality of this world we live in, or do these supernatural plans exist? If they do...I want to see mine. No more surprises. Life has kicked my ass way too many times. I want some proof, some validation. I guess I really just want back my faith. It is a hard thing to keep, and a hard thing to trust.

       Trent has been gone for 12 days visiting with other family. I hate not seeing my boy everyday. When I am in his presence it is easier to have faith in some sort of plan. I see my future when I look in his eyes. Wes made me believe in love, and believe in a happy ever after. Trent makes me see the possibilities life has to offer. He gives me courage to look towards another happy life. He is the reason I want my faith back. 

        I miss Wes so much everyday. I miss him on Christmas eve laughing at the Rasa family Christmas. I miss him on Christmas morning when we watched Trent open his gifts. I miss him throughout Christmas day as we spent time with both of our families. I miss him the day after Christmas when we would stay in our pj's and have family movie day with a fire in the fireplace. I miss him on New Year's eve when I now stand alone at the strike of midnight. I missed him when the Aggies won the Cotton Bowl. (Seems silly, but you just have to understand my Aggie family.) I miss him every second of every day. People say I will one day get over Wes, but they are wrong. I will never get over him, I will never love anyone like I love him, but someday I will be strong enough to live without him.

Learning to live,

Stella