Since I was young my favorite bible verse has been Jeremiah 29:11. "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper and not to harm you, plans for hope and a future." Wes bought me a huge sign on our first vacation together that has this verse on it. It still hangs above my bed. He even insisted that the verse be part of our wedding ceremony. My man was thoughtful, and understood what was important to me.
Growing up this verse always ensured me of God's promises for my life. He wants our life to prosper, and he gives us hope and a future. I have read this verse and thought about it hundreds of times. Then I came to a road block when Wes died. How could God have these plans for mine and Trent's life? Where were his promises? Where was this prosperous future he promised? Of course when something like this happens in your life you start to question and second guess everything. Even your relationship with God. I still don't understand why this happened, and I probably never will. I do know that my God is big enough to handle me being upset with him about my life. He is there waiting for me.
Several months ago 2 special ladies at work sent me an email. Their emails were exactly the same. Neither one of them knew the other sent it. I got a double whammy. I guess sometimes God has to knock really loud for us to hear him. It was a daily devotional that had my scripture on it. As I read this devotional I realized that I knew my verse by heart, but what came after? I never continued to read. I never turned the page. I stopped with the 11th verse. So I kept reading the devotional, and there it was. The following verses.
12 Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. 14 I will be found by you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back from captivity.
There it was. In my face. I stopped reading at God's promises to me, but I didn't read my part. God doesn't just give us things because he loves us. We have to actively seek him. I love when he says, "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." He follows by saying, "I will bring you back from captivity." There it is, God is telling us he promises these wonderful things for us, but we have to seek him. Not just pray, but really seek him. Dig down deep to the parts no one likes to face. We have to stand up to our fear, our anger, and any resentment we may have. It is then we get God's promises.
I still have my days. I have days when I am sad. I have days when I am angry with God. There are days I get angry with the people that care about me, because they want to fix me and bring me back to the christian faith I had before these things happened in my life. I know they mean well, but sometimes I just need to be angry. My relationship will mend as time goes by. When I am in doubt I just look above my bed to the sign my husband bought me. It is his reminder to me that things will fall back into place. Just when you think your story is over...just keep reading.
Until next time,
Stella
This is a cross a dear friend of mine had made. She included my verse. The three crosses in the middle represent Trent, Wes, and myself.
You and Trent have come a long way. I knew with all of my heart, that you would find "YOUR" way back. You wrote this blog so beautifully, you should consider writing a book. Y'all will always be in my prayers. Love you both.
ReplyDeleteAunt Debbie
How you climb up the mountain is just as important as how you get down the mountain. And, so it is with life, which for many of us becomes one big gigantic test followed by one big gigantic lesson. In the end, it all comes down to one word. "GRACE". It's how you accept winning and losing, good luck and bad luck, the darkness and the light.
ReplyDeleteLove ya,
Aunt Debbie