I will be here waiting my dear always and forever -Cory Morrow

One thing you learn to master as a widow is how to fake a smile. It's been a year, I should be over it, right? Wrong, but everyone around me has moved on. Everyone's lives are continuing and I feel like I am at a stand still. I'm still waiting for Wes to come home. I'm waiting to hear that Chevy pull in the drive, and to hear Wes' cough as he walks in the door. I'm waiting to hear him say, "How was your day babe?" I waiting for him to walk in the kitchen and season what I've already seasoned. I'm waiting for him to pull my pillow from under my head when I lay down. I'm waiting to hear him say, "Good morning Stella, wake up." I wish I could wake up. I feel like I've been living a dream this past year. I'm waiting to hear his voice, or one more I love you. I'm waiting to hear him say, "Come here buddy," and see Trent run into the room.
While others go about their daily lives, I am still living mine, but not how I used to. I am numb. I am still full of tears. Wes is constantly in my head. The good times and the bad, the day he asked me to be part of his and Trent's family, the day I walked down the aisle and took his last name, and then there is always that day. The day he left. I wish I could wipe that day from my mind, but it is always there. Somehow I have managed to continue living my life. It's Trent that keeps me going, just knowing that he needs me. I may not always be a good teacher, friend, sister, or even daughter, but everyday I strive to be a good mother. People keep telling me how strong I am, and every time I feel a little embarrassed, because I know the truth. The truth is I'm not strong, I'm just doing what has to be done. It is times like these that we have a choice to make. We can lay down and give up, or we can just continue. I am choosing to just continue. Some days are harder than others, but as long as my heart beats I have to continue. If I chose to lay down and give up I know I would disappoint Wes. I want him to be proud. I want to be able to walk up to him when my days are over, and hear him say, "You did good babe."

Waiting to hear him,
Stella